he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize