Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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