I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize