oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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