At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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