He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
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I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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