this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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