are you still at the devil's house?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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