Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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