chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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