Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i now understand why vodka
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
