Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.