im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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