R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
