For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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