so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
