i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
