dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
