Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have fence marks all over my body
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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