Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
