Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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