She is in my trunk
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it because I queefed?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
did i walk over a car last night?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
