I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
