RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The uberlube is also flammable
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
