Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
