Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
