I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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