he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
