Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Found the puke drawer
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
