Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
