My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
