He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
