Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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