i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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