I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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