Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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