sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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