Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
