I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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