My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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