Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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