his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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