he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
