Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
