it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
