And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
