I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
