I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
