you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
These tits shall not be calmed
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
