we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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