I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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