watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
