i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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