It's like God shit irony all over that family
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
