How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My balls are so social today.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
