I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
