Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
