Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
