yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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