i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
