Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
