We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
