You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
