My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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