masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
