Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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