"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
