Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
