i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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