Please, let me fuck your mom
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
