What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
