How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
