What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
