Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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