Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
