Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
