ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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