Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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