She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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